wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
