I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
