i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
