I could make wine with my vomit
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize