she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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