I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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