So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
