I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
