I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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