so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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