i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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