oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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