so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
