Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
