I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
