Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
