were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
