Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
