3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
