I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
