I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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