I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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