his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
