I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
