yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize