Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
