I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
