she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
