Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
