Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
