Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
