VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
