I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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