did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Randomize
