I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
