I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
