You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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