Your dad touched me again.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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