It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
