you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
