she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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