Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
