oh god the rape fog is back!
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
