Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
cat food counts as protein by the way
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
