when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
