I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
