either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
