Me. At least after what I've been through.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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