There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
