Acid is not a monday night drug
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
