did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
