My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize