just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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