It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
