How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
