he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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