I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
