hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
