we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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