She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
