So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
