I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
