You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
