They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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