I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
