Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize
