I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
