the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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