Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I accidentally had phone sex last night
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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