I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
