p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my vag is so smooth its legendary
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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